Liam Lanakila Pagat came into our lives on August 3rd 2014. A perfect baby boy weighing in at 7 pounds and four ounces and stretching out to be 18.5 inches. He is perfect in every way. I never believed in love at first sight until I met him.
As I write this he is a day shy of being two weeks old and he has turned our lives into something of a dream. Every day he seems to change before my eyes. From his face filing out a little more... to his mouth becoming more expressive... to his eyes taking on more moments of alertness. He is such a joy and has filled our cup over and over.
Motherhood isn't what I thought it would be. It is so much sweeter... and painful... and joyful than I could have anticipated. I didn't realize the self doubt that would come with the joy. The thoughts of "am I doing this right? Is this ok?" constantly plague my mind. But the advice from my sister, "don't think... just do" plays over and over in my mind as a mantra. She had advised me that motherhood was full of guilt. I just didn't understand what she meant until now. But even when I think I might not be doing something right and I'm crying with a broken heart about it... Liam still cuddles close to my heart... he still snuggles with me like he knows me best in his whole world... and the pain and the guilt all sort of balance with the melting and the love.
Motherhood... it's a crazy kind of love isn't it.