Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Finding My Happy

Have you ever woken up and started your day on a wonderful note? I did today. I woke up and made breakfast for my husband and I - a hot one too, not just one of those grab and go types I've been doing since the school year started. I packed our lunches - and kissed him goodbye. My husband works at the High School in our town and I work at the Elementary School. I am currently the ESL Coordinator at the school - and I get to work with helping the kids from foreign countries keep up with their work in their mainstream classrooms... but that is another story. 

I headed to work and had a wonderful first hour - working with the fifth graders. In this class there is a wonderful teacher that is able to keep the peace even during rocky times with some of the hard personality types... I am able to be creative in helping my students. They turn to me for help and trust that I will lead them to not just the right answer - but a way to understand the answer.... ::smile:: there is purpose and fulfillment. 

At the end of that hour I tend to linger a little longer... talking to my students in the hall... "Are you sure you understood that? Do you need me to go over it again?" "No?... ok..." Then I slink off with dragging feet to the dreaded 9:00 - 10:00 am hour.

During this hour there is no peace. During this hour there is no creativity. During this hour students scream their answers... grating the ears of everyone around them. During this hour students get out of their seats and throw fits. During this hour harsh words that wound the ears and the soul are said to one another. During this hour feelings are hurt and hearts and hardened. During this hour it is really difficult to see my purpose and fulfillment. I whisper and point to books and handouts to the one student I am responsible for. I pray that I am helping him - leading him and guiding him. I pray that I am a still and calm presence for him. 

Today was a particularly hard day for me. Today two students said some pretty horrible things to other students around them and the teacher either didn't hear them or chose to not acknowledge them. But I saw the faces of those students. Saw the hurt reflected there. 

I try to not let the negative be absorbed - but sometimes it soaks right into my core. Today I came home and sat at my table with every form of comfort I could think of. My bible. A cup of herbal tea in my favorite cup. My journal. And last, my sewing basket with all of my hand sewing projects. 

After a prayer - a deep breath - a sip from a now cooled cup - I took out a stack of material I've precut to make into this for my niece and two nephews that live back on the Mainland. I wanted to make them something special from me for their school snacks. Their mom - my oh so amazing sister!!! -packs them big lunches in compartmentalized tupperwares so this wouldn't work - but for their snacks and maybe a juice box, it would be perfect. 

I cut the fabric yesterday so I didn't have to worry about measuring and being around sharp objects like a rotary cutter. (Would probably have lost an appendage with the type of mood I was in) No... today I sat and I embroidered each of their names. I got to sit still and concentrate on creating.

 I sat. 

Concentrating on stitching one stitch at a time. Stitching beloved names that soothed my sensitive soul. Praying for happiness and peace and laughter with each pull of my thread and needle. 

And after I did the first name my heart stopped racing. After I did the second one my smile for those that I loved and everything that is beautiful came back. And after I did the third name...I found it... 

I found my happy. =)  

What's your happy?

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